October will mainly be about 2 things. While other things
happened like a baby's birthday and a few games I played (I beat Wind Waker HD),
the following 2 things were the most important.
- Two friends finally got married to each other on the 19th.
I met them both at UH and they've been together for at least 10 years. It was
great to see them finally get married. The ceremony was nice and short. There
was actually a 4 hour gap in between that and the reception. So I just went
home to relax.
I did go to the reception hall a couple hours early to set
up video cameras. It was there that I met the bride's aunt who was coordinating
the reception and established a good communication line. It didn't take that
long for me to finish setting up the video cameras, but it was a good thing I
was there early. The bride's aunt needed extra help outside of all the help
that was already there so she asked me to assist her. I ended up being a liaison
between her and the newly weds and became an usher helping another attendant
showing people where they were to be seated. That was draining, but I was glad
to help out and be a bigger part of this event.
Once everyone was seated and the wedding party made their
entrances, I then sat with friends even though I wasn't assigned to that table.
Good food, good talks, good dancing, good fun. I actually was asked to provide
the speech for our table even though we voted between me and another guy at the
table. But when they finally came to our table, the photographer (bride's
uncle, coordinator's husband) gave me the mic while I was tying my shoe, ha. I
still involved everyone else at the table anyways.
I also caught the garter...again. That makes 5. I'm going to
stop catching them from now on.
As the reception was winding down, some of us made plans to
continue the party. I was hesitant to go, but it was good to hang out with some
new people and friends I had not seen in years. Trying to reconnect with a few
of them.
I also volunteered to drive one of the groomsmen home since
he lived closer to me than the best man. Unfortunately, the best man's car got
towed and we had to search for it. I will say that that was the best towing
line I've ever been a part of. At least 5 other people (some with friends) were
there to get our cars and everyone was just complaining and then having fun
making jokes and anything to just not feel horrible. It was great. We got the
car back, split ways, I dropped the groomsman home, arrived home around 4AM,
drank a lot of water, and went to bed around 5. I did wake up 3 hours later and
was tired all day. Good thing I didn't have anything to do.
Congratulations to my friends for getting married.
- In last month's entry, I mentioned how I learned about my
high school Japanese teacher, Yoshiko Brotherton, passing away last year. My
emotions were all over the place ever since finding out about this and it was
hard to control at times especially when I was alone. Me typing this out is for
therapeutic reasons as well as to honor her.
I spent the last couple weeks of September trying to contact
as many of her former students as possible. I told them about Sensei's passing
and that I was going to arrange a date for us to visit her.
There was one week where I called the funeral home where she
was buried at. I mainly called to figure out visiting hours, but I ended up
asking other things. The woman on the other end was very consoling, which I
imagine she gained lots of experience having to deal with many families over
the years. I think she could tell in my voice that I was having a hard time
talking at points. She enlightened me on the private ceremony that was held the
year Sensei passed and even searched for her obituary for me. I had to call
again the next day since I didn't receive it. The same woman answered and also
answered a few more questions I had. The next day I spent emailing those I
contacted with information on when and where we were going to visit Sensei as
well as send them her obituary. It was a nice read and spoke very highly of her
so I figured they needed to read it as well.
Throughout the month...I was just emotionally out of it. I'd
go from happiest of times to depressed thoughts over and over again. As much as
I could, I would just mask myself and just continue on as normal, but there
were days I just couldn't. There was one day that I was crying on the way to
work. There were many nights I couldn't sleep. Any time I wasn't doing
anything, I almost immediately thought about Sensei.
I had to do a few things to help myself not get sad all the
time and (to me) honor her in some small ways. I had to stop listening to
Japanese music. I was okay for a while until I watched the latest Girls'
Generation Japan tour. They sang 2 sad songs back to back and I couldn't help
but cry and think of Sensei. I tried to avoid other Japanese related things if
I could. I also wore black hair ties on my arms the whole time like how I've
seen wrestlers wear black arm bands when a wrestler has passed. And I dedicated
every 100th tweet to Sensei.
I did talk to a few friends about this just to vent and get
some advice. Honestly, learning of Sensei's passing made me think a lot about
my life...and how it's not what I wish would be. I pictured myself talking to
Sensei and thinking of what I would be talking to her about my life. Most of it
boiled down to things I've tried that didn't work out. While some have pointed
out that I have done some great things, a lot have still ended in failure.
And with thinking about this, I chose to cut out a few
things in my life. I left The Game Fanatics on the 13th. While it was great
working with them, the end-game goal was no longer there (for me). I can recall
previous posts this year asking for you the reader to stay tuned. I don't
recall if I ever said what it was (although I've told people in person), but
that's not happening anymore. Not only that, but it became increasingly
stressful and I didn't feel the appreciation for all the hard work I put into
it. Ever since leaving, I felt a big weight lifted off me. The door is open for
me to return, but that's not in the foreseeable future at this moment.
There are other things I cut back on, but I'm in the process
of trying to figure out what else I should do in terms of business and
relationship. Sensei's passing has woken me up to the fact that I just change
things for the better.
A few of us went to visit Sensei's grave on the 26th. She
passed last year on the 23rd so this seemed like a proper time to visit her. Unfortunately
a lot of her former students could not make it for multiple reasons. I have
offered to go with those a separate time whenever they're able to. In the end,
there were only 4 of us there. I also called one of her former students that is
teaching in Korea
and he gave a few kind words over the phone. Myself, I just stood there
thinking. It really hit me seeing her name there. I almost broke down right
there. Eventually we all started sharing stories and had a good time reminiscing
over the great times we've had and the fact that we're all friends because of
Sensei. And that's what I wanted to happen with more of us there. Most of us
that became friends through her class are still friends today. That's over 15
years of being friends. It's amazing and it's all because of her. It was really
good to visit her.
On the morning of October 29th, I had a dream where a friend
(another former student of Sensei's) came to visit her. Although I ran into him
at a parking garage and he was dressed oddly, not his usual style. I gave some
greetings to him and was making fun of how he looked when Sensei came from a
door and said hello to us. I told her why I was laughing and asked how to say
"punch him" in Japanese. She and I ended up laughing and sitting on
the ground. She then pulled me in for a hug and said "thank you for
visiting me." I started to cry in that dream and I immediately woke up
with tears streaming down my face. I took a nearby towel and cried into it for
about a minute thanking Sensei for visiting me in my dreams.
I can go on and on about Sensei. I seriously could and I
know I'm not saying everything here. She is without a doubt the best teacher
I've ever had. I considered her another grandmother and actually planned to
invite her to my wedding whenever that were to happen. She's an amazing
teacher, a wonderful woman, and I'm sure a great wife and mother/grandmother. I
thank her for teaching me, believing and encouraging me to do what I want to
do, and for being the catalyst for some of the great friends I've ever made.
Arigato, Sensei Brotherton.
- And that is it for October. One of the more emotional
months I can remember having. I can say that my heart and my mind are more at
rest after visiting Sensei's grave, but more so after that dream I had. While I
still am in a wandering stage, I'm hoping for something to properly lead me in
the direction I need to be going.
Thanks for reading. Be healthy, be safe, be thankful, and be
loved.
Take care. DFTBA.
