I saw that a cousin posted a photo of her on her Facebook saying that she was in the hospital. Then there were calls trying to reach my dad. I told my dad to check his phone. When I saw him again as I was going to eat dinner, he informed me that she passed away. My mom explained that grandma was in the hospital last night complaining of chest pains. She ended up having a blood clot. Today between 7-8PM, she passed away.
I actually couldn't eat. I just went back upstairs to my room and cried as I was thinking about her. Soon after, I checked my harddrives to specifically watch video clips I had taken during her 90th birthday. It was very heartwarming, but hurt to watch. Seeing our family laughing and with smiles around her, seeing her with 7 of her 8 children, seeing her with her grandchildren. At that point, she lived to see 4 generations under her. I don't know if she ever met her great great granddaughter though. I hope she did.
Slowly, my cousins started posting photos of her on their Facebook. They changed their profile photos and cover images to her. In that same vein, I wanted to post a video of her, but I couldn't. I think I'll just leave the videos most likely for her funeral. I can find all the clips I have of her and have the whole family around watching together. I don't know. We'll see. I just feel that those moments are just for us to remember her.
This was a day I did not look forward to. We all have our day when we will pass, but she was still living a great life and visiting her family all over the world. She was also my last living grandparent. I never met either of my grandfathers as they passed before I was born. My mom's mom passed away over 10 years ago when I was still in high school. That was rough as well. This one hurts more. I hated thinking about it, but I knew that when this day were to come that her funeral would be one of the saddest days of my life.
I also knew this would be the one time I'd see my dad not all together. It really hurt to see my dad not knowing what to do. He walked around a bit and was trying to figure out what to do next. He already asked if I could go with him to where she passed, in New Mexico. Once a plan is figured out, I'll do whatever needs to be done. And I know he's not big on showing sad emotions so all I could do was offer my arm around his shoulder. I saw him later outside digging and taking care of his plants and it brought tears to my eyes. I really admire his strength. It was also difficult not to cry in front of him myself since talking or asking about it brought the tears out. I also became a facilitator of calls as family was trying to contact him, but only had my number. I could listen in on some of the conversations between him and his siblings. They're all really strong. Grandma was definitely proud of each one of them.
There was only one thing I ever wanted for her and unfortunately it can never happen now. I wanted her to be there when I finally got married. Anytime we were together for family events, she always asked if I had a girlfriend and that she wanted more great grand kids. I'm sorry that I couldn't do that for you, Grandma Gina. The only thing I can do for you now is find someone I know you'll be proud of and a woman that makes me happy.
You were loved by so many and you loved us all in return. If we could all be happy and lead amazing lives like you did, we'd be lucky. Thank you for everything you ever did for us. Rest In Peace, Lola. I miss you and I love you, Grandma Gina.
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